20 October 2010

a new ending begins

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
Carl Bard

Somewhere along the course of my life, my passion began dimming, and, before I even noticed, had disappeared completely.  I had been passionate about life, but not anymore.  In fact, I can't think of anything that I am truly passionate about now.  I don't know what's more depressing to me: the fact that the brilliant hues I once knew are now a dull black-and-white monotone, or the fact that I didn't even notice the change . . . wouldn't have noticed without God's intervention.  How sad.

The good news is that He did intervene.  He showed me what happened, and even helped me to see why.  My passion was choked out by a rather desperate need for somebody, anybody, to like me.  It's a very humbling realization that I, who was raised to know better, trampled blindly after the lie that my worth relies solely on what other people think of me.  Nevertheless, it happened, and I was trapped for years in the relentless pursuit of being liked.  It was a cycle of failure: the harder I tried to be liked, the more people resisted.  As people resisted, my confidence faded, requiring me to try harder to be liked.  Thanks to God's grace I've recovered from that lie and its effects, though my feet still prefer the familiar path I've trodden for so many years.

But it's been such a long time that I've forgotten how to have real passion for anything.  And that's where this blog comes in.  Last night I heard very clearly that God wants me to be filled once more with the passion that He had given me.  Then He challenged me to start a blog, and update it daily for a minimum of 6 months.  He was very clear that I must discipline myself back into passionate living in this way; also, that in order to regain what was lost I must share the journey with others.  I think it's slightly ironic that due to the very nature of a blog, I'll have to constantly fight against that old need to be liked.  I think God kind of planned it that way . . . 

So, this is the deal:  I am committing to at least one post every day, until April 20th (or longer), about something that catches my fancy.  I invite you to join with me on this journey.

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