fetching water

There's a little song at the end of Disney's version of The Jungle Book that, for some reason, really resonated with my best friend and I. It is called My Own Home.

We were always singing it. It strongly influenced all our pretend games. It even played a large role in my love of reading and writing, as it whetted my appetite for exploring different cultural aspects.

I haven't thought of the tune in years.

But with a frozen hose at the horse farm today, I suddenly found myself the girl that "must go to fetch the water." The irony of that moment was too delicious.

                                

lila

One year ago, I was in pretty hard labor. It was fast, much faster than my doula anticipated. She wanted to be born, now.

I remember sensing through the entire pregnancy that this baby would see her "due" date come and go, just so she could have an April birthday like her siblings. More than that, I had an idea of what day she was aiming for. And sure enough, she waited almost two weeks past "due", holding out for as long as she possibly could . . . 33 minutes earlier and she would have been a March baby.

But, she waited for midnight to pass. The third April baby. The April Fool's baby, who, like the first Joke in Narnia, would serve to enrich our lives.

I still cannot believe that tomorrow we celebrate her very first birthday. My, how time has flown.

It seems to go faster each time. She's toddling, months earlier than her siblings managed. She tries so hard to catch up to them. To be big enough to really play with them like she wants. To do all the things she sees them do.

It is exciting. But I've already been missing my baby for a few months. This little girl isn't much of one anymore.

Happy Birthday, my love.

jumbled thoughts

I've been trying to figure out how to write this post for hours. I don't want to let too much of my geek out, but at the same time it's really been affecting me today. I guess I'll just go for it. Anyone who knows me is well aware of my geekier tendencies anyway.

I was raised on Star Trek. There was some good old Captain Kirk mixed in, but mostly it was The Next Generation ("the one with the bald guy" in Kim's understanding; I'm slowly working with him on that). Later Voyager would play a role, but when I think of Star Trek I first think of Captain Picard and his crew.

So when I learned a couple weeks ago that Star Trek, The Next Generation (TNG), and Voyager are now on instant streaming with Netflix, I naturally began making my way through TNG.

Most of the episodes I haven't seen since I was very young, and I've realized I remember surprisingly little: the feel of situations, small character impressions, and random facts for which I can't give solid evidence to. Then there are two episodes that fill me with dread.

Most mysteriously (until recently), "Skin of Evil": I have always loved Tasha Yar, but up until that first week of instant streaming I had no clue why. She was simply a name, but I felt a deep sadness and grief when remembering her death - the only thing I actually remember about her from my childhood. Now I can completely understand the attraction that character held for me. Her loss stings just as much as the emptiness I experienced losing Data in the movie Nemesis; the only difference is that I could understand Data's sacrifice, while Tasha's death was meaningless.

The other, unsurprisingly, is the first part of "Best of Both Worlds". Locutus of Borg is, at least in my estimation, the best twist in television history. (Admittedly, nostalgia may have something to do with this.) The complete horror I felt when I was first introduced to him is something I will never be able to completely shake off. It wasn't just due to the fact that he is Borg, either. It was the devastation of losing a beloved hero. It is the episode I remember most clearly, though my child's mind had muted out concepts I could not understand: the initial struggle between Riker and Shelby, the thousands of deaths Locutus was responsible for.

The latter has been on my mind all day. I'm not even sure I can correctly express what all I am thinking and feeling: good vs. evil, technology unchecked, morality, fear, the essentials of humanity, a child's memories, purpose, people who fight evil against all odds (otherwise known as heroes)... All jumbled up into a big knot. Impossible to unravel one strand without bringing all the others because everything is connected.

some firsts

This year, I'm doing something different.  On previous New Year's, I've mourned the lasts while looking forward to the firsts to come.

Today, I'm rejoicing over this past year's firsts:

• I turned 22 for the first time.
• We had the first ever double birthday party for the kids.  It was also the first themed birthday party we've ever done.  (The closest we got before that was the LOST map I spent hours creating on the top of my birthday cake this year.)
• For our 4th anniversary, we did a vow renewal with our closest friends, family, and favorite pastor.
• We had our first real honeymoon, also in celebration of our anniversary.
• It was the first year since getting married that we did not move to a different apartment.
• We began our first deployment.
• I had my first plane ride.
• I got to see elephants, gorillas, flamingos, white tigers, sting rays, sharks, jelly fish, and more for the very first time in real life.
• I got my first "real" camera.
• It was the first Christmas Yonah was old enough to really get into.

Some firsts that I'm looking forward to in the upcoming year are:

• The first baby born in a wonderful birthing center.
• Arabelle's first experience as an older sister.
• The first year my son will "officially" begin homeschooling, even if it's just preschool.  (Is he really that old already?)
• The first homecoming after a deployment.

life in moments

What was my favorite moment from today?

Was it when the kids woke up at about 2am, and after they couldn't get back to sleep we spent the time from 4 to 8 snuggling as we watched our current favorite TV show?

Was it when I woke up to hear Lego Batman being played, and once Yonah realized I was awake (thanks to a flushing toilet) he came running to ask if he could play Batman?

Was it Yonah's sense of style, pairing a long-sleeved blue-green motorcyclist shirt first with very green plaid shorts, and then with very Hawaiian shorts?

Was it Arabelle coming at random times to give me a hug and a quick snuggle?

Was it the kind grandfatherly type working at the post office, who didn't mind the kids being energetic kids, and made a game for them involving ringing the bell on the door?

Was it when Yonah asked if we could get something for the baby when we were at the second-hand children's store?

Was it when I dozed off while waiting for Yonah to finish the level of Lego Batman, and then waking up to find him snuggled up against my side and asleep?

Was it when we did our Halloween costume test and practiced being 'in character'?

I can't pick one to write about.  All of these shine brightly in my heart today.