how i came to quit whining

I usually wait for people to ask to hang out.  If I do anything, I say something like: "Let me know when your schedule is open so we can hang out."  And then nothing happens.  I might remind them again, but for whatever reason I stick to the casual tone that people tend to interpret as nice words.  And then I whine and complain, mostly to myself, when nothing continues to happen.

I think I convince myself that no one really wants to hang out with me unless they approach me.  So I express casual interest (I don't want to sound like it's important to me or they'll only agree because they feel guilty) and wait.  And whine.

Today I realized that this is only hurting me - and the relationships I want to have.  So I'm done with that.  Hello again, social life.

expecting

He told them, "You don't get to know the time. Timing is the Father's business."

Acts 1:7, The Message

For about a week now, Yonah has been telling Lila before sleeping, "See you when we wake up!" It is very sweet, but I always fight a chuckle when he says this before nap. The likelihood of getting through labor and having her born in a mere two hours is pretty small.

But today when he said it, I heard that verse in my head. Well, a paraphrase of it, anyway. I was floored. Even though he has no idea when she'll be making her appearance, he lives in constant expectancy that she will. Sure, he has trouble keeping his toys put away and he doesn't want to help me with housework, but he's constantly urging me to clean so we're ready for her. He regularly looks to make sure her crib is still ready and waiting. He constantly talks about how he'll be helping me take care of her, and wants to hear me tell him about when she comes out of the "tummy door" more often than he wants to hear stories about Daddy. Every chain we take down is no longer one day closer to Daddy; first it is an exciting one day closer to Lila!

This hits me painfully. Where is my excited anticipation for the even bigger event of Christ's return? Why do I struggle with passionately looking forward to that hour, whenever it occurs? Why is it so hard to really live like He will be coming any day now? Where is my urgency? What would happen if every time I went to sleep I started telling Jesus the same thing Yonah tells Lila? How would my life change? Why do I believe that I have plenty of time? Where is my conscious realization of not knowing the day or the hour?